Six years ago today, my world as I knew it ENDED for good. When Johnnie and his mother showed up at Bay Crest to tell me that you "were gone", I just knew that they were lying. In fact, that is exactly what I said to him that morning. There was NO way that YOU of all people could be gone.
The minutes, hours, days and weeks that immediately followed are a hazy blurr at this point and no clearer than they were six years ago.
I miss you every day and although i do find comfort in knowing that you look down upon us and although i can still hear you on a daily basis, I MISS YOU.
It has been six years........lots of things I want to get your advice about. One absolutely precious little boy that lives with a special part of you inside him. Your name STILL in my cell phone cause I just can NOT bring myself to change it. And the longing to be able to hear you say, "I luv my puppy" just one more time.
I KNOW that you would be proud of me. I make good choices(most of the time), my cholesterol is still too high, I have lost a TON of weight and I WILL eat chocolate in your honor tonite :)
You were right about LOTS of things(as I continue to be) and although a Durning, "I will ALWAYS be a TINSKY-proudly, I might add".
And she IS truly a "magnificent beast~!"
Dear Daddy,
I MISS YOU........
Luv,
JT
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
sometimes it is just plain irony....
I got a FB message today from someone that I went to sleep-away camp with some 30 years ago. Crazy how FB allows us to reconnect with so many and share some hideous photos all at the same time............
Well this message was to tell me of one of our fellow campers father's passing away. In the same message about the death of the father, it reads about the untimely death of our fellow camper two years ago at the age of 39. Are you freaking kidding me? I had NO idea that he had died. Jon and I had reconnected on FB just a few months before .........he had told me about his wife and his kids, including a newborn little boy. He even shared photos with me.
Life gets busy and u check FB messages and wonder why you never see people online? Sometimes it is because you have been unfriended, sometimes because there is a glitch and although u weren't unfriended, u must refriend and sometimes you find out that an amazing kid you grew up with in Ft. Lee, NJ and went to summer camp with in Honesdale, PA has left this planet wayyy tooooo young. And you feel like it must have happened just yesterday because you just never knew.
It brings a smile to your face with the tears streaming to remember the gawky kid in the Astro's shirt........making you laugh and always sharing a hug. Then you google his name and find that some nearly 30 years later he wasn't quite so gawky but certainly touched many a life.
I am sorry for his mother, who has now lost both of her boys, but heaven sure does have some great angels up there.
And the true irony in it all is that I find this out on the eve of the sixth anniversary of losing my own Daddy. Sometimes it is ironic and ya know what, sometimes it is just plain sad. Right now, I am just feeling the sadness part.
Well this message was to tell me of one of our fellow campers father's passing away. In the same message about the death of the father, it reads about the untimely death of our fellow camper two years ago at the age of 39. Are you freaking kidding me? I had NO idea that he had died. Jon and I had reconnected on FB just a few months before .........he had told me about his wife and his kids, including a newborn little boy. He even shared photos with me.
Life gets busy and u check FB messages and wonder why you never see people online? Sometimes it is because you have been unfriended, sometimes because there is a glitch and although u weren't unfriended, u must refriend and sometimes you find out that an amazing kid you grew up with in Ft. Lee, NJ and went to summer camp with in Honesdale, PA has left this planet wayyy tooooo young. And you feel like it must have happened just yesterday because you just never knew.
It brings a smile to your face with the tears streaming to remember the gawky kid in the Astro's shirt........making you laugh and always sharing a hug. Then you google his name and find that some nearly 30 years later he wasn't quite so gawky but certainly touched many a life.
I am sorry for his mother, who has now lost both of her boys, but heaven sure does have some great angels up there.
And the true irony in it all is that I find this out on the eve of the sixth anniversary of losing my own Daddy. Sometimes it is ironic and ya know what, sometimes it is just plain sad. Right now, I am just feeling the sadness part.
Monday, January 25, 2010
word of the year
I chose the word F~O~C~U~S for the year 2010 and although we are only 25 days into this new decade, I am really trying to stick to my word.
This weekend we were able to have some grown up time-and most of you know that does NOT happen very often. John and I were able to have an entire conversation without hearing "Mommy, Daddy, Daddy, Mommy" and as much as I missed those two words, it was very nice to FOCUS on being grown ups!!
Also spent time this weekend focusing on some tasks in the house that have been screaming to be attended to but often get pushed aside when there are two little hands wanting to "help".
Due to my focus on decluttering, we were able to hoist all of the Christmas/Hanukkah totes up into the attic and some still had room in them because we threw so many decorations away that we just don't use or put out.
Toss Ten Tuesday has been working miracles(thanks Jen). I have another pile to take to the Goodwill this week. I swear that guy is going to know me by name. Ha.
I realized when I wrote the date on a check this morning that I am missing my daddy a whole BUNCH and now I know why. I miss him alllllll the time but I took a moment to focus on the fact that Weds. will be SIX years since he left me. Gosh, that just does not seem possible.
So, for now I am going to focus on preparing a nice, healthy meal for my boys and give KC his medicine and special dinner too. He is 7 months and 8 days into his six month to one year prognosis and although he is getting a bit porky from a combo of prednisone and good food, he is doing GR-8.
So, what is your focus this week??? Take time to think about it and for g*d sake, would someone PLEASE comment?????????? PLEASE.
This weekend we were able to have some grown up time-and most of you know that does NOT happen very often. John and I were able to have an entire conversation without hearing "Mommy, Daddy, Daddy, Mommy" and as much as I missed those two words, it was very nice to FOCUS on being grown ups!!
Also spent time this weekend focusing on some tasks in the house that have been screaming to be attended to but often get pushed aside when there are two little hands wanting to "help".
Due to my focus on decluttering, we were able to hoist all of the Christmas/Hanukkah totes up into the attic and some still had room in them because we threw so many decorations away that we just don't use or put out.
Toss Ten Tuesday has been working miracles(thanks Jen). I have another pile to take to the Goodwill this week. I swear that guy is going to know me by name. Ha.
I realized when I wrote the date on a check this morning that I am missing my daddy a whole BUNCH and now I know why. I miss him alllllll the time but I took a moment to focus on the fact that Weds. will be SIX years since he left me. Gosh, that just does not seem possible.
So, for now I am going to focus on preparing a nice, healthy meal for my boys and give KC his medicine and special dinner too. He is 7 months and 8 days into his six month to one year prognosis and although he is getting a bit porky from a combo of prednisone and good food, he is doing GR-8.
So, what is your focus this week??? Take time to think about it and for g*d sake, would someone PLEASE comment?????????? PLEASE.
Holy WOW
That was some rain that blew thru here early this morning. I was WIDE awake just after 3am and despite my best efforts, could not fall back to sleep. So, I was flipping channels when one heck of a storm blew thru here.
I haven't heard the wind howl like that in some time. There was even a tornado warning for just northeast of here(exactly where many scrappers were over the weekend).
Hope that everyone is safe, no one incurred any severe damage during the storm and now we can look forward to it cooling off a bit today.
We enjoyed a very quiet and relaxing weekend while our lil guy spent some much needed time with AS. Of course, he came home with his arms loaded down with new Star Wars Lego sets of various sizes and all of the money I had sent him with. NO AS NO. that word can come outta your mouth..........lol.
She was pleased that he apparently did inherrit the Tinsky gene and was comparing prices at all the stores on said Lego sets. For the record, Wal Mart is the cheapest but their shelves the emptiest.
Hoping for a great Monday for everyone........
I haven't heard the wind howl like that in some time. There was even a tornado warning for just northeast of here(exactly where many scrappers were over the weekend).
Hope that everyone is safe, no one incurred any severe damage during the storm and now we can look forward to it cooling off a bit today.
We enjoyed a very quiet and relaxing weekend while our lil guy spent some much needed time with AS. Of course, he came home with his arms loaded down with new Star Wars Lego sets of various sizes and all of the money I had sent him with. NO AS NO. that word can come outta your mouth..........lol.
She was pleased that he apparently did inherrit the Tinsky gene and was comparing prices at all the stores on said Lego sets. For the record, Wal Mart is the cheapest but their shelves the emptiest.
Hoping for a great Monday for everyone........
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Why does it seem
that short weeks are longer than regular ones?
I am beat. We had off on Monday for MLK day and then off on Tuesday as well. So that means cramming 5 days of work into just three days. If you add in the xtra curricular stuff, that equals one tired tadpole.
Tuesday I spend the better part of the day with one of my favorite people-my sil and magician of a beautician getting my hair straightened. Under penalty of death from Mitch, it was NOT cut-not one strand......lol. I also got to spend a nice part of the afternoon catching up with him and Aunt Sue. We don't get to do that enough anymore.
I also filled out the school CHOICE forms and mailed them in for my lil guy to attend school with me next year. Now, if I could just figure out how I am going to get him there?? Well, we DO have time for that.
Last night we went to dinner at Sonny's for Bay Crest night-good turn out. Today was ELP and running back and forth from Carrollwood to TNC, to Odessa, to Carrollwood, back to TNC and finally home again.
NICE NICE surprise was coming home to Lil Man's bedroom and his new loft bed completely put together-go dh. I now just have to tweak where everything will go and turn his choo choo room into his Star Wars room by accessorizing. He wants his Thomas clock made into a SW one etc. By the end of the weekend it will be close to done. How quickly they grow up.
I am enjoying the Project Life album or at least taking the pics thus far. I have yet to take it out of the box but plan to do that this weekend too.
Hey, if anyone has any pull around here, can we have a week or so of just weekends to catch up and then go back to the regularly scheduled work week/weekend thing? Thanks. I am certain that there are numerous people who would be equally appreciative.
I am beat. We had off on Monday for MLK day and then off on Tuesday as well. So that means cramming 5 days of work into just three days. If you add in the xtra curricular stuff, that equals one tired tadpole.
Tuesday I spend the better part of the day with one of my favorite people-my sil and magician of a beautician getting my hair straightened. Under penalty of death from Mitch, it was NOT cut-not one strand......lol. I also got to spend a nice part of the afternoon catching up with him and Aunt Sue. We don't get to do that enough anymore.
I also filled out the school CHOICE forms and mailed them in for my lil guy to attend school with me next year. Now, if I could just figure out how I am going to get him there?? Well, we DO have time for that.
Last night we went to dinner at Sonny's for Bay Crest night-good turn out. Today was ELP and running back and forth from Carrollwood to TNC, to Odessa, to Carrollwood, back to TNC and finally home again.
NICE NICE surprise was coming home to Lil Man's bedroom and his new loft bed completely put together-go dh. I now just have to tweak where everything will go and turn his choo choo room into his Star Wars room by accessorizing. He wants his Thomas clock made into a SW one etc. By the end of the weekend it will be close to done. How quickly they grow up.
I am enjoying the Project Life album or at least taking the pics thus far. I have yet to take it out of the box but plan to do that this weekend too.
Hey, if anyone has any pull around here, can we have a week or so of just weekends to catch up and then go back to the regularly scheduled work week/weekend thing? Thanks. I am certain that there are numerous people who would be equally appreciative.
Monday, January 18, 2010
There is nothing so sad
As your BABY screaming in the horrible anticipation of getting two shots and three people having to hold him down :(
When it was all said and done, I am not sure who was crying more-me or him. If you are not a parent, you will not understand this pain...........
Thank goodness that is over for another year.
On a good note, he is healthy as a horse and built like "Mike Alstott" according to Dr. G. He is in the 60% for height and 97% for weight. He def. does need speech therapy and his blue and gold forms are all filled out for Kindergarten registration when that comes around.
From 6lbs 3 ounces and 19.5 inches to 43.75 inches and 55 lbs. in what feels like 5 seconds flat!! Make that FIVE years.
Off to enjoy the rest of our day off together.
Happy MLK day!
When it was all said and done, I am not sure who was crying more-me or him. If you are not a parent, you will not understand this pain...........
Thank goodness that is over for another year.
On a good note, he is healthy as a horse and built like "Mike Alstott" according to Dr. G. He is in the 60% for height and 97% for weight. He def. does need speech therapy and his blue and gold forms are all filled out for Kindergarten registration when that comes around.
From 6lbs 3 ounces and 19.5 inches to 43.75 inches and 55 lbs. in what feels like 5 seconds flat!! Make that FIVE years.
Off to enjoy the rest of our day off together.
Happy MLK day!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
LONG LONG weekend
As I sit here on Sunday night, it feels great NOT to think about going back to school tomorrow. Now, do not get me wrong, I LUV what I do but I am really looking forward to a couple of xtra days off this week.
Saturday we had yet another Chuck E. Cheese birthday party. This time for Alex in St. Pete. Joshy and Alex have known each other since before they were born when Laura and I met on theknot.com and then thenest.com on Baby Talk Bio. Wow, that was ions ago.
Last night it was relaxing at home kinda night as we listened to the thunder and rain come pouring down. it was actually a very welcomed sound around here. Between the COLD snap and the lack of rain, everything around here is hay-like and brown, so hoping that some of the wet stuff last night and the sunshine today will green things up a bit.
Boy oh boy was today a busy one. It was non-stop really. Jan and Bill called this morning on their way down from their riverhouse. She needed to drop in and pick up her new Project Life kit that I had ordered for her as her holiday gift. We figured it would be a pit stop and go but thankfully, they stayed for a couple of hours and we sat around the kitchen table drinking coffee, chatting and laughing. It was such a nice, impromptu visit.
On their way out, Laurel, my Premier Jewelry rep. came by to drop off my hostess packet as I am hosting a show for her on Feb. 11th. I am very xcited as I luv their stuff, she is adorable and is generously donating 25% of her sales that evening to the NMSS via TEAM DURNING.
After Laurel left, we hopped into the car and headed over to St. Pete(for the third day in a row) to check out a loft bed that I found on Craigslist. We called Nanny and solicited her truck to help us get the loft to it's new home. It is currently sitting at the bottom of our steps in Tpa and as soon as the "boys" stop playing video games, Johnnie can dismantle Joshy's current bed and bedframe and we can attempt to put the new one together.
We got a GR-8 deal on it and I have already gotten everything out of his room(cept the bed) and cleaned his floors and am very excited to put it all together in his new room.
We have 5 yr. check up tomorrow morning. I can't wait to hear his height and weight, but could do without the shots as I am sure he can too. It breaks my heart to hear him cry and despite my telling him the shots will keep him healthy, who truly likes needles? Not me and I just gave myself my usual Sunday night injection.
It also saddens me to know that at his appt. tomorrow, I will get his blue and gold papers signed so that he can officially be signed up for KINDERGARTEN come August. I know that it is early to even be thinking that, but hoping that we won't have to return to the pediatrician between now and then so best to get it all taken care of. He will attend school with me next year so I also have to begin his Special Assignment paperwork and teacher requests........
How did time fly so darn quickly that my lil munchkin....okay, don't get me started.
Tuesday he has VPK so that means a day off entirely to myself. I can not wait as I have an appt to get my hair done and I will so enjoy being slightly pampered and spending several hours with one of my most favorite people.
In the meantime, I am off to do some work on the volunteer assignments for walk ms in Tpa as that will be here in a matter of just two months. YIKES.
Happy Sunday evening to all and I hope that your team wins.
Saturday we had yet another Chuck E. Cheese birthday party. This time for Alex in St. Pete. Joshy and Alex have known each other since before they were born when Laura and I met on theknot.com and then thenest.com on Baby Talk Bio. Wow, that was ions ago.
Last night it was relaxing at home kinda night as we listened to the thunder and rain come pouring down. it was actually a very welcomed sound around here. Between the COLD snap and the lack of rain, everything around here is hay-like and brown, so hoping that some of the wet stuff last night and the sunshine today will green things up a bit.
Boy oh boy was today a busy one. It was non-stop really. Jan and Bill called this morning on their way down from their riverhouse. She needed to drop in and pick up her new Project Life kit that I had ordered for her as her holiday gift. We figured it would be a pit stop and go but thankfully, they stayed for a couple of hours and we sat around the kitchen table drinking coffee, chatting and laughing. It was such a nice, impromptu visit.
On their way out, Laurel, my Premier Jewelry rep. came by to drop off my hostess packet as I am hosting a show for her on Feb. 11th. I am very xcited as I luv their stuff, she is adorable and is generously donating 25% of her sales that evening to the NMSS via TEAM DURNING.
After Laurel left, we hopped into the car and headed over to St. Pete(for the third day in a row) to check out a loft bed that I found on Craigslist. We called Nanny and solicited her truck to help us get the loft to it's new home. It is currently sitting at the bottom of our steps in Tpa and as soon as the "boys" stop playing video games, Johnnie can dismantle Joshy's current bed and bedframe and we can attempt to put the new one together.
We got a GR-8 deal on it and I have already gotten everything out of his room(cept the bed) and cleaned his floors and am very excited to put it all together in his new room.
We have 5 yr. check up tomorrow morning. I can't wait to hear his height and weight, but could do without the shots as I am sure he can too. It breaks my heart to hear him cry and despite my telling him the shots will keep him healthy, who truly likes needles? Not me and I just gave myself my usual Sunday night injection.
It also saddens me to know that at his appt. tomorrow, I will get his blue and gold papers signed so that he can officially be signed up for KINDERGARTEN come August. I know that it is early to even be thinking that, but hoping that we won't have to return to the pediatrician between now and then so best to get it all taken care of. He will attend school with me next year so I also have to begin his Special Assignment paperwork and teacher requests........
How did time fly so darn quickly that my lil munchkin....okay, don't get me started.
Tuesday he has VPK so that means a day off entirely to myself. I can not wait as I have an appt to get my hair done and I will so enjoy being slightly pampered and spending several hours with one of my most favorite people.
In the meantime, I am off to do some work on the volunteer assignments for walk ms in Tpa as that will be here in a matter of just two months. YIKES.
Happy Sunday evening to all and I hope that your team wins.
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