Weds

Monday evening was tough for us, but truthfully, the viewing/visitation was comforting. Many friends were there to lend their support and as my cousin said, "when someone passes away, family HAS to attend, but it is a true testament to the person who passes when so many friends come from so far to be there." I completely agree and thank everyone who attended and sent messages to my family.

The funeral service yesterday was far more difficult, but it truly was a celebration of Uncle Bill's life and gave us the closure that we all needed.

I am thankful for so much as this year closes and hope and pray that 2009 keeps those that I luv, safe, happy and healthy.

Bring on '09!!

He is at peace

We got the call this morning that Uncle Bill was at peace.........my aunt's phone rang just after 6am and they rushed over to the hospital one last time. Uncle Bill waited for them. His O2 level jumped into the 90;s when Aunt Sue took his hand and then he flatlined.

By 8:05 he had left this world peacefully and will endure no more pain. Now to try to pick up the pieces and move on for my family, esp. for my dear aunt. She and Uncle Bill were married for 39 years and she has NEVER ever lived alone..........

My heart is aching and my eyes are puffy from crying, but I am so very thankful that he is no longer struggling for breath and that he is at peace.

I hope that the hospital can ultimately figure out what happened and I pray for the nurse that administered the wrong medication. I am not xactly certain how she will live with her mistake...

I just don't get "it"

We enjoyed a very nice, yet brief visit with my Virginia family for Christmas. Actually opened gifts and then took a nice drive down to Venice Beach. Yes folks we were at the beach in 80 degree weather on Christmas Day. The water was crystal clear and the VA crowd found lots of sharks teeth. Venice is known for them. I spent the better part of the afternoon getting to know my new camera and zoom lens. What fun. Yesterday we went up to Homosassa and spent the day at the park with the manatees. Truly a gorgeous afternoon.

I am fuming angry right now and somewhat afraid of what I might say, so I will say just what I can to vent.........I just don't get "it".
Why things happen the way that they do and how to get past being so incredibly angry right now that I just can't let it go.............

I pray for the ability to do so. I hope for the strength to get passed all of this and I truly wish that I could make it better........
I realize that we are all human-I "get" that, but how/why do things happen and what/who is controlling it? Gosh, I wish I had some of the answers. In the meantime, say some prayers tonite PLEASE. A prayer for the "human" and her grave error, a prayer for our family to be strong enough and most especially for my incredible Uncle who has endured wayyyyy more than anyone should ever have to and now this.

And for those small minded, completely and oh so totally ignorant human beings-I hope that you are truthfully so ignorant as to know how much pain you cause others, but truthfully, u are so simple minded, you don't even "get" it and I do so totally "get" that.........

Off to bed...........I NEED to let it all go,
Jax

Tuesday Tuesday

Went to bed WAAAYYYY too late for me yesterday, well late for most. It was after 1am, but dh and I finally had a few minutes of peace and quiet and I got scrappy after that. Made a cute lil something.
Woke up tired this morning and before i had done anything it was like 11am. YIKES.
I have been trying to clean up as my sister and family arrive tom. night(not to mention the BIG guy who will be here too and he doesn't like messy houses any more than my bil Jason).

Off to Kohl's to try to find a pair of pants that fit. I have dropped several sizes lately and the 10P's are falling off despite the belt that is trying to hold them up. NO luck. I found nothing for me. Oh well. Punch another hole in the belt.
Almost out of gas and boy was it nice nice nice to fill up the entire tank for under $18. YEAH. QUICK and I mean QUICK run into the mall. Mind you, I am NOT a fan of the mall at any point in time, but the day before the day before Christmas, NOT my favorite place. It is esp. not fun with a four year old who also woke up tired and a bit on the whiny side. But seriously, parked in handicapped at Sears, ran into Sears, bought one item, and outta there. The parking lot was a zoo, so glad that I didn't have to deal with more than that.

Off to feed the lil bugger at Chick Fil A. He snorked SIX nuggets and 3/4 of my chix. sandwich as well.........then played HARD. Nice breeze blowing outside and although the grocery store is on my agenda today with a list at least half mile long(6 xtra people arriving), I did NOT want to attempt that with the mood either one of us is in. So, we came home to wrap the gift from Sears, and relax a bit. Hoping that Daddy gets in soon and I will run out to the grocery store before I completely and totally run outta gas.

That's all that is new here for the most part. I am also hoping to run over to the hospital. Uncle Bill is reportedly cranky today, but he has been in a chair for two days in a row and was moved OUT of ICU today down to the second floor. The man is truly amazing.

Going to go and lay down for a few. Have a great Tuesday all. It is nearly 80 degrees here today. NOT feeling much like Christmas but the Virginia crew will def. enjoy it.

It was brought to my attention that I hadn't blogged in awhile(thanx Darren), so I thought that I would check in.
Nothing has changed around here.
We had a nice, yet busy weekend at the Palatial Durning estate. Finally got some holiday cheer going by attending the Bay Crest faculty party at Theo's. I swear they will never let us come back as Joshy NEVER wants to leave every single time we go there. Stac-want a 4th child??

The boat parade was new to me and it was so nice. Really a great time........got some good pics too.
We decorated the tree as well, some nice family time.

Other than that, today is our first real day of "vacation" and we are looking forward to the Marmor's arriving on Weds.
Happy Holidays to all,
Jax

the end is near

The hospital just called and it looks like the end is very near. Sadly, his respirations are very low. The rest of the family is on their way over there to say their good-bye's. I hope they get there in time so that he is not alone or afraid.

My Uncle sure is a trooper. He is soooo loved and will be dearly missed by those of us around him-NOT just his family, but everyone who knows him.

Say a prayer for a peaceful ending to a long and difficult fight..........34 days, but who was counting.

Sunday updates

Wish there was actually something to update, but there really isn't.

Joshy and I drove all the way down to South Tpa this morning to see another pediatrician. I swear that I am going to just have my entire paycheck assigned to PHA this month as I think we have seen 4 doctors in 6 weeks time. But, truth be told, I am glad they were open and glad that we went. I just hate seeing my lil guy sick. Another prescription and hoping it will clear him up.

Uncle Bill is a STRONG man as he is still hanging on. I am going to run over there in a bit as soon as John gets home with Joshy's meds. My heart is breaking for Aunt Sue and there is nothing that I can do or say to make it better.

We did some major straightening up yesterday in the hopes that we can attempt to decorate somewhat before the day ends. I will keep you posted.

Enjoy this glorious day.
Jax

we survived

the first week of pre-school and actually, surprisingly, it went pretty well. as far as i know, he hasn't been expelled yet. lol.

uncle bill continues to hang on and to be honest, i am more worried about aunt sue at this point....this is REALLY taking a toll on her.

the weather sure has changed again and it has gone from hot and humid to damp and chilly. but rest assured it will be eighty something degrees once again come monday.

we have no "plans" for the weekend at this point. it is pretty much day by day round here right now. i am guessing that at some point in time i will begin wrapping some gifts. i hope to get some time to complete some crafty ones and perhaps decorating would be a good idea. seriously, if it weren't for joshy, i would just cancel the holidays this year completely.

i am far from being in a festive mood of any sort at all.

the combo of the drs. office on monday, pre school and the weather changing has made my lil man sick ONCE again. i honestly think he has not had a runny nose for a total of 5 days since the ms crop. poor lil guy. his eyes look soooooo watery and crappy.

enjoy your weekend whatever u have planned.

Sassy with Santa

just another day

Tues has come and gone and it was just another day in this wacky dream that has become my life.

Joshy didn't "take" to beign dropped off too easily as they had to pry him off of me and I made a quick exit to the lobby. There the receptionist allowed me to watch via video that he wasn't still crying for too long. I was for awhile, but he was just fine when I picked him up. I didn't call to check on him, but I did think about it.

Uncle Bill continues to hang on although getting increasingly aggitated esp. towards the end of the every two hours he can have medicine. Aunt Sue is doing as well as we could expect her to and we are all just going thru the motions.

Today is a VERY busy day for me so I am going to make this a short post.

Thinking about Laura and her family today. Hoping that everything goes well at their drs. appt this afternoon.

Happy Hump day to all.

I cried myself to sleep last night which means my eyes are puffy and swollen shut this morning, making typing this early even more difficult.

Joshy did great at his first day of preschool yesterday and so did I. No tears and I didn't even call to check on him. Can u believe it?

I have always been a creature of habit and I am not one to deal well with change. Pretty much anyone who knows me can attest to that. So, the tears last night came from my toes when it hit me like a TON of bricks that my entire life as Iknow it is never going to be the same and it makes me SAD.

I know that I will fall into this new routine and it will be fine, but for now, I JUST DON"T LIKE IT ONE BIT.
Hearing my Aunt Sue cry breaks my heart cause there is NOTHING that I can do to make it better. She has always been there to make it better for me, so I just feel totally helpless.
I am the caretaker, the strong one and I am crumbling.

It really does STINK and oh great, I am crying again. UGH.

One more morning

My four year old counts things(days) by how many mornings. When my sister was here a few weeks ago, she stayed for 2 mornings. When i was in Sebring for the Crop 4 Hope, i was gone for 3 mornings.

Well, we have just ONE more morning til my lil man starts pre-school. I am xcited as I KNOW he will LUV it. I have NO apprehension about the school whatsoever, I just HATE that he is going for the reasons he is going.

But, I am certain he will have a wonderful day. After school tomorrow, we have our 4 year old check up at the pediatrician where he will receive more shots than i am sure that I want him to have at one time. They were out of one last year so add that one in too. If it is too many, I will schedule another appt just to split them up. No one should have to be stuck too many times in one day. Which reminds me, i have only 5 minutes before I need to go and stick myself.

I am completely and totally emotionally xhausted. I spent the better part of the weekend at the funeral home and cemetary planning for a funeral that is impending. It is awful. Uncle Bill has gone from bad to worse with NO hope for any sort of recovery. At this point, we can only hope that he is comfortable and can hang on until Jaime gets here tomorrow night. It is dreadful......
I have cried buckets in the last few days and it pains me to see him in such distress and Aunt Sue, omg it is heart wrenching.

The hardest thing that I have ever done since my daddy died was to tell my son(who luvs Uncle Bill beyond belief) that his Uncle(and for all purposes, his grandfather truthfully) isn't coming home. I don't wish that on anyone.

So, the plans are all set and in place. I just hope that it is peaceful............I pray that it is. It is breaking my heart as I feel like the last month has been a horrible nightmare.

We all luv you Uncle Bill. JD3

Wow, it is DEC already

I can not even believe that we are on the 4th day of the 12th month of this year already. BLOWS my mind.

Uncle Bill continues to have good and bad days. We truthfully thought that we were going to lose him on Sunday. I mean, I actually told him to tell my Daddy that we were doing okay and tell him about Joshy............
Then, he had a couple of good days. Last night they confirmed with Aunt Sue that he had a DNR order in place as even though he had had a wonderful day, it was rapidly going downhill. I fully expected the phone to ring before morning, yet it didn't.

I got to the hospital this morning to find him looking good(even better than Sunday) and cracking jokes with me. The last 23 days have truly been a rollercoaster ride and I am NOT a fan of them in case you didnt' know.

We did solve the "who is going to watch Joshy issue" as none of us could take the stress of the uncertainty any longer. Starting on Monday, Joshua will be going to pre-school from 11 am until 4pm each day. I was very impressed with the facility as it is very new and didn't smell. I met with the director, the asst. director and the 4 year old teacher, all of whom I liked very much.

We were there both Tues and Weds of this week and John and I feel comfortable with the decision we have made for the time being. Joshua will LUV the opportunity to interact with other children on a daily basis and I KNOW that this is going to be very good for him. My heart just aches because I didn't want to HAVE to put him in daycare.............I wanted it to be because we wanted to. KWIM?

So, please continue to pray for our family and the recovery of Uncle Bill. As I told him on Sunday, Joshy cried for two weeks when Jack the jack-o-lantern died and there is NO way that I am going to even try to xplain to him that Uncle Bill isn't coming home. So, he had BETTER get his strength back and come home SOON.

Hope that everyone else is doing well. Hug your luved ones xtra tight tonite and say a prayer for our Uncle Bill. thanx,
Jax

Ups & Downs

VERY bad day yesterday for Uncle Bill and scary to say the least. Seems to be better today. This is just been a very DIFFICULT time for all of us.

Say an xtra prayer please. We NEED them.
Thanks,
the whole family